Review of Draculas

DRACULAS
By Blake Crouch, Jack Kilborn, Jeff Strand & F. Paul Wilson

What do you get when four quick-witted, macabre-loving authors combine velociraptors, a rampant virus and Transylvania’s most famous export? You get DRACULAS, a manically-paced thriller that’s over before you realize it, leaving you gasping for air.

Spitting in the face of books glamorizing seductive, beautiful vampires who sparkle in the sun, DRACULAS begins with wealthy Mortimer Moorecook’s acquisition of an ancient skull unearthed from a field in Transylvania – apparently a human skull, except for the thirty-two shark-like teeth.

To the horror of his assistants, the mortally-ill Moorecook squeezes the jaws around his own neck, causing the razor-like fangs to bite deeply into his own flesh. He’s rushed to the hospital - but things go awry when he springs back to life on the gurney, fangs ripping his own mouth to shreds, leaving him consumed with blood rage, biting and clawing anyone in reach.

Anyone bitten in turn becomes infected and within a half an hour morphs into a raptor-like, mindless beast with an insatiable appetite for blood. Soon, the hospital is swarming with bitey Draculas.

There’s so much to love about this book, be it the snippets of humor, which are funnier because they are so unexpected (Metallica elevator music?), or Dracula clowns – a la Stephen King’s IT - making balloon animals out of intestines, or a frenetic pace befitting an episode of the hit series “24” … though without the bad acting.

Bowing to the movies that most likely helped shape their own individual writing styles, the authors paid homage to TERMINATOR, TRON, DOGS OF WAR, MAGNIFICENT SEVEN, MAGNUM FORCE, ALIENS, BLADE II, not to mention the Dracula’s uncanny resemblance to JURASSIC PARK’s most lovable raptors.

Though the authors’ voices mixed with the smoothness of a mens’ choir, you could almost taste the competition, with the four spurring each other to heights that might not have achieved individually, likely because each of the authors took stewardship of individual characters.

As a writer and reader of humor books, I’m not a big fan of horror as a rule, but the unrelenting pace of this book left me little time to soak in the horror of certain sections. Before I could reflect on the gruesomeness of a Dracula consuming his own flesh, the authors would shove me down another precipice of heart-stopping action. It was much like riding a rock and roll rollercoaster in a tunnel filled with music and strobe lights, thrilling and scary as hell …then it’s over before you know it.

This book thoroughly entertained, and I ripped through it like a squirrel in a birdfeeder. And not to be missed are the bonus sections, with an alternate ending, short stories by each of the authors and hilarious back and forth repartee by the authors as they illuminate how they constructed the story from beginning to end.

When you read this, do yourself a favor and give yourself time to read it in one sitting.

Here’s the buy-link.

Norm Cowie

Author of FANG FACE, as if being a teenager doesn’t suck enough
www.fangplace.blogspot.com
www.normcowie.com

Some of my best friends are Catholics

I was at a booksigning and a lady walked by with her maybe ten-ish year old son. They slowed to eyeball my Adventures of Guy books.

The Adventures of Guy is meant for a bit older a crowd ... high school and above ... and there's some sophomoric, but fun humor ... you could say they're rated PG.

So I pointed to a brochure of my upcoming book Fang Face and said, "I don't think those are for him yet, but he might like this."

The lady then ... with the most sanctimonious air of superiority ever seen, loudly sneered, "We're Catholics ... we don't support books like that."

I was stunned.

Not only did she condemn my book, but me by association.

In a way, I wish I'd have given a snappy comeback - there are many - and I'm good at it.

Or I could have told her that a cross, wielded by a true believer, is one of the most powerful ways to foil a vampire. But people who use religion to put themselves above other people aren't going to listen to reason.

And by true believer, I mean someone who doesn't criticize with their own absolute papal authority. Or publicly denounce someone whose religion and beliefs she has absolutely no idea. Or teach her young son to use religion as a platform for exalting oneself at another's expense.

So know this, if this lady ran into a vampire and waved her cross, she could count on one thing. Her cross would have no power ... and...

... she'd be eaten.


Norm

www.fangface.homestead.com
www.fangplace.blogspot.com

Vampires and the truth about yard work

While mowing today, I had an epiphany ... or maybe the sun was just beating too much on my bad spot.

Anyway, I started thinking about vampires' predilection for nighttime activities. Sure, most books say it's due to some kind of vampirish 'allergy' - for lack of a better word - to the sun.

I think this is just some kind of coverup.

The truth is vampires are lazy. They don't like doing lawn work. They'd rather sleep all day, ignoring all of the neighbors whose mowers are going like hyperactive bees; and when night hits, the vampires go out for a drink.

Classic laziness, that's all it is.

Norm

www.fangface.homestead.com

How the vampires kept me up last night

The vampires kept me up last night.

No, it's not what you think. I'm starting to get my mind into the next story, and as I'm trying to fall asleep, ideas were running through my mind.

You'd think this would be a good thing, but the trouble is, it's bedtime. I only sleep six and a half hours a night, and if I'm up for a half hour thinking plotting and fun stuff it really cuts into my beauty sleep.

In a large way, it sucks (heh, vampire ... sucks), because I get some great ideas right as I'm falling asleep. And if I don't get up, turn on a light, find something to write on and with, and write it down right away, I'll forget it by morning.

If I forget it, it's gone. I'll be lucky to think of it again.

So without ruining anything of my next book, here's an example of what went through my mind right after setting my alarms (I need two), turning off the light and getting all comfy.

I started thinking how vampires suck greedily when they are eating. Well, what if one vampire was teaching another one and he says, "You have to treat a neck like it's a ripe fruit. If you bite too hard, the juices splatter everywhere. What you do is to let the tip of your fang just slowly penetrate and slide into the skin. Let the blood just flow to your mouth."

As you can see, there just aren't enough books that offer blood sucking techniques to the newly dead.

Norm

www.fangface.homestead.com

Fang Face

If you've been paying attention to me – and why wouldn’t you? - you've probably heard ... well, read .. that my first Young Adult book, Fang Face will be published in a few months.

You've probably heard that vampire books are all the rage right now, and Fang Face joins the fray, but in a different way. It's a humor book ... and a vampire book.

You see, I think authors just haven't been taking advantage of the many funny things about vampires, like ... Do they floss? Do they lose weight on an all-protein diet? How would a teenage girl feel about not being able to see her reflection? Does Type O really taste better than Type AB? And just what kind of coffin would go best in a girl's room?

Important stuff not usually found in your typical vampire story.

If you're not a YA fan, never fear, I've adopted Disney's trick of making the book suitable for not just for teens, but also for adults. So if you've read my first two books, don't worry, you'll be treated to the same wacky humor.

Anyway, the point of today's blog is to let you know that you don't have to write a reminder note to yourself to get Fang Face in August. You can sign up on my website and when it comes out, I'll shoot you an email. So forget the note and hustle yourself over to my website and sign up so you'll be notified!

Fangs a lot,

Norm

www.fangface.homestead.com
www.fangplace.blogspot.com

New poll dancing, no, not poll dancing.

Okay, the final results for the last poll are in. As you'll recall, the question was, 'would you rather be attacked by a vampire, a werewolf or Paris Hilton ... er, Dick Cheney?'

The winner ... (drum roll) ... a vampire.

Woo-hoo!

Of course this can't exactly be surprising, because werewolves and Dick Cheney are known for their bad table manners, and vampires just leave a couple of small holes in your neck. So the neat freak vampires won out.

I posted a new poll, so vote early, and if you live near Chicago, vote often.

See ya and stuff,

Norm

Hey, if you haven't checked out my new website, there's a great werewolf short story on it. Getting a lot of nice comments! www.fangface.homestead.com

Writing like a chick

As my picture shows, I'm a guy ... never been a girl ... never wanted to be a girl ... and I did a stellar job of ignoring my two sisters growing up... but perked up when they had girlfriends over.

This raises some interesting challenges when it comes to writing female characters, something I've done with my Adventures of Guy series and the upcoming release of Fang Face.

That's not to say I didn't do any research. I've spent my entire life ... especially back in college ... studying females, what they looked like, how to get them to like me, what they looked like ...

Yeah, I was pretty shallow back then.

Then I found a beautiful woman who was foolish to marry me, and together we brought a couple of girls, now women into the world (note to kids: I'm REALLY sorry about the whole George Bush thing).

Anyway, they're here now, so there ya' go.

So for the last twenty years, I've lived in a home peopled with the female side of the species, and I learned some things about women, like ....

... they really aren't very good with the remote ...
... they have strange tastes in romance ...
... like romance, itself ...
... at certain times, they are more savage than, well, savages ...
... they like baked goods ...
... they like to smell good ...
... boy bands don't make them grind their teeth ...


... and stuff like that.

I used all of my combined research to write the Warrior, a female character in The Adventures of Guy. I did my best to make her believable, identifiable to females, strong and vulnerable. And then I waited.

To my absolute joy, women love her. I've received a lot of mail from women who said she was their favorite character in the book. One lady renamed her Myspace name the Warrior, then Buford (when the Warrior took on her warrior name).

Then I took on a greater challenge in Fang Face. This time I wrote not just one, but two females as major characters. And not just any females ... teenaged girls! Imagine this.

The really cool thing is I don't have to wait until the book comes out to hear what girls think of the characters. When I was about halfway through the book, I asked a neighborhood teen to read the first fifty pages and tell me if I was getting the 'voice' right, if the characters resonated. She contacted me later and asked if her teacher could read it, too. Sure, I shrugged.

Then she asked if her entire school could study the first fifty pages as a school project.

Erp. Really?

A month later, they asked me to come and spend the day at the school, talking with the students, listening to their views on the book, and they asked me about writing and getting published. It was a blast.

But here's the cool thing, the girls loved the girl characters; and everyone liked Trug, an extremely ugly boy dealing with all of the stuff boys deal with in high school.


Norm

www.fangface.homestead.com

Vampire Stuff

Something really fun about writing vampire stories is the freedom to decide just what 'traditional' vampire traits you want to incorporate into your story.

Stephenie Meyer, who wrote a series called, um ... what was it again? ... midnight? sunrise? High Noon? ...

(fingers drumming)

Oh, yeah, Twilight. You may have heard of it.

Anyway, her vampires don't go out in the daylight, not because the sun will crisp their toast, but because they sparkle all prettily in the sunlight. So they have to avoid the sun for that reason.

Yeah, I thought it was a bit lame, but (shrug) she's famous and, well, I'm not. So sparkly vampires it is.

Not so in Fang Face. I kept some traditional vampire stuff, like the sun hurting them, garlic avoidance, sleeping in coffins, stuff like that. But I made departures where I wanted to, like it takes three bites to turn someone into an Undead, and I did something else with the bats and flying.

There's a freedom to being a writer, and I really enjoy pushing boundaries and concepts. My Adventures of Guy series not only break the fourth wall, but in my third WIP book I knock it down with the finality of the Berlin Wall falling.

All in the name of good fun, good story telling and, well, I gotta amuse myself.

Oh, by the way, I have a new book out! Check out Missing by clicking on the title to the left. Or click Missing here, or here, or here ...

More on Missing next time. Click here, and here and here ...

Heh.

Norm

Read excerpts and stuff at www.normcowie.com

Vampire tidbits and stuff

There have been a few attempts to write from the vampire's POV - I don't like to research, so feel free to log in and give us some specifics - but of the books I've read, nobody really got it right.

I mean, if you're a vampire, there are some things that would be important to you, like ...

• clean necks - Really, who'd want to bite a dirty neck? Do people wash their necks before going to bed? You brush your teeth, right? So why not be considerate to your vampire?
• the whole heart not beating thing? Wouldn't that make you cold? You never hear about vampires being cold. And they hang out (heh, bat joke) in drafty castles when they aren't snugged in their coffins.
• blood type. Does type A taste better than O? Who knows? There's no research on this little tidbit.

Oh, well, some things to think about. I'll do more on all this later. Or you can wait for Fang Face to come out.

Fangs, and see ya,

Norm

www.fangface.homestead.com

Upcoming book

I'm at a really cool stage in writing - the anthology Missing coming out this weekend at the Love is Murder writer's conference, Fang Face in the edit stages coming out in August and I'm a quarter way through my WIP, the third book in the Adventures of Guy series.

The weird thing about my WIP is I keep getting mental glimpses of a sequel for Fang Face, and it tempts me to start it right away. I already know it will have vampires (of course), werewolves and maybe some other were-creatures, and there is a conflict that didn't resolve in Fang Face that must be resolved. I'm really looking forward to it.

But my WIP is fun, too. Most of the action in the third Adventures of Guy takes place in hell, and they run into horrible creatures like Dick Cheney. I want to work on both at once. Where's a ghost writer when you need one?

Now I'm setting up stuff so when Fang Face comes out, I'll be ready to get it out there. I'm getting my website ready, learning about blog tours and, of course, I set up a nice little blog here.

Check out my website, it's pretty fun.

Norm

http://fangface.homestead.com