Sunday, June 20, 2010

Proper Care of Your Peeves

We're going to pet our peeves, today!


(clap, clap)

Where to start? There are so many things. I might hurt myself.

So here we go...

We'll start off with the word ... 'myself.'

I hate the word, 'myself,' myself. Because so many people just screw it up, leaving me grinding my molars into chalk. Worse, people who know better obviously don't know better. I can't tell you how many times I've heard a teacher, an announcer, a politician say something like, "my friend and myself went to the store..."


My family has learned to duck if we're watching a show and someone uses it improperly. I explode, frothing at the mouth (as opposed as frothing anywhere else), and they just cringe, knowing I just have to rant and rave every time.

Of course, that's what a peeve is all about.

And I gots lots of them.

Here's another one.

How about someone who races you for the merge, and when you let him go ahead, he slows down below the speed limit?

And more.

How about supposed BA's wearing knit caps in the middle of the summer? Yeah, maybe you are tough after all.

Grand Prix drivers (read any of my books, I destroy one or its driver).

People who brush by you without saying 'excuse me,' or even acknowledging you were there in the first place.

People who don't have weeds in their lawn.

Guys who don't flush after going to the bathroom, or worse, wash their hands.

The thing about pet peeves is you have to take care of them. Feed them, keep them safe. Fortunately, there are so many people out there who feel it's their personal responsibility to keep your peeves charged up.

Here's to them.

(vampire, humor book Fang Face on ebook for three bucks)

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