Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Undead Relief

The Undead have it made.

Maybe because, in a way, they have things better than us. They don't have to worry about greedy lobbyists, the Oil Industry, plaque or even getting fat.

Have you ever seen a fat dead person? Zombie, vampire or otherwise? They're all on the Atkins Diet.

All they care about is getting enough dark and food, preferably human Kibbles and Bits. And that's it.

Well, there are certain trendy vampires who care about their clothes, but other than that, no worries, Mate.

They don't vote, go to school, obey traffic signals. They don't have to worry about getting a heart attack, ingrown toenails, bad hair days.

Not only that, but even dead, they are still ambulatory. They have the best of both worlds. They can't drown, seems like hell has been put off, and if they don't like it when the mother-in-law comes over to visit, they can just eat her.

They don't have to worry about preventative issues, such as getting enough vitamin C, flossing (though some of them probably should), blood pressure checkups.

No school, no traffic court, the H1N1 virus ... in fact, no laws at all other than survival of the fittest. They try to eat humans without getting staked, their head cut off, or turning Republican.

Undead... maybe not so bad.


author of Fang Face, as if being teenager doesn't suck enough
(available on print or Kindle)

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