Slideshow

Showing posts with label borders books. Show all posts
Showing posts with label borders books. Show all posts

Saturday, April 23, 2011

Borders Boarded




I didn't want to see it.

Borders... closed.

I remember meeting store manager Raeann Racine, and her agreeing to host my first ever book signing for my new book, The Adventures of Guy. She knew I had written big chunks of the book, sitting in her coffee shop, OD'ing on white chocolate mochas. She knew she could expect to see my daughter Lauren after birthday or Christmas put gift money in her hands, spending it all on her favorite Manga.

Still though, I don't think I expected much because unknown new authors can't expect much (though some don't realize this and their first signing is a shock).

Mine was a shock, for another reason. When I came in the front door of Borders, there was a picture of me on the front door that Raeann had gotten off my website. She greeted me with a smile and offered me a white chocolate mocha.

Then she took me to my books. She had locally advertised the event, and there was a table set up in the coffee-shop with a microphone, water, pens and fifty copies of The Adventures of Guy in a beautiful rack display.

I gulped.

Fifty copies takes up a lot of room.

I had passed out fliers promoting the event, but after talking with other authors I didn't expect many people to show up. And now I had fifty books sitting there, waiting for me to move them to the cash register.

About four people did show up, so the advertising had some kind of response. Some Borders employees filled out the crowd a bit more. So with less than a dozen people there, I soldiered on and spoke about my books.

All four people bought the books. But that left more than forty-five books.

Gulp again.

I couldn't leave that many unsold. I knew that, and I also didn't want to do that to Raeann. But there was no way I was going to sell anything sitting in the coffee shop.

So moved the books to the front of the store and started greeting customers as they came in, handing them my book, smiling a lot (even when they turned me down). I stayed there for six hours and sold twenty six books.

I felt awful, not realizing that twenty six books is awesome for a new author.

But I didn't know that, so I offered to come back the next week. Raeann said 'sure,' and I trundled off back home.

When I came back, a more modest display was set up, near the front. She had seen how I liked to work, and set it up the way I left it. This time I sold all but six. She seemed really pleased and had me sign the stock. Later, I saw the books in a display called, "Emerging New Authors." 

She introduced me to the Orland Park store manager, and made sure to tell them how hard I work. They learned this themselves, and soon my books were in 'Staff Picks' in both locations.

I went back to Borders Matteson for many more signings. She liked me and knew I hustled to sell the books. If I asked to come out, she said yes. She liked having me there in the Christmas season and we liked to set me next to where people would wait in long lines. I would entertain the people, talk books, let older ladies sit in my author chair. I never sat.

When Fang Face came out, it was the #2 seller in their store for Christmas behind some diary written by some wimpy kid.

When I heard Matteson would be one of the first casualties of Borders' reorganization, it was like a spike had been driven into my heart. I felt like Dracula the day after. I visited Raeann and thanked her for all of her support. I will have to mention her in my next book's acknowledgements. Hopefully, she will stay in the book market.

So a month later, it was with extreme sadness that I drove out to Borders one last time. I sat in the deserted parking lot, looking at the building, reminiscing about writing, selling and reading books.

To see it one more time.

Goodbye.

And thank you.

Norm

www.normcowie.com

Friday, August 27, 2010

Gutter Wars


Most of my neighbors know I'm a humor writer, so they aren't always surprised if they see me doing something goofy.

Case in point. Last weekend, I discovered a large nest of wasps in a seam in the gutter right over the walk to the front door.

Now usually wasps and I have a strict non-confrontational policy. They leave me alone - and I kill them any chance I get.

(seriously, do they fulfill any worthwhile function in the world?)

So there they were minding their own business - whatever that might be - and I'm plotting wasp-murder. Bwah, ha, ha.

Now you're supposed to wait until night to kill wasps, so you get them while they're in their nest watching reality TV. So I waited ... a couple of minutes. Then I found my wasp killer stuff - but neglected to read the label. If I had read the label, I'd have been kicked out of the Guy-Club .. but I would also have read that this particular spray kills ants, flies and other stuff.

As far as wasps, it just gets them mad ... and wet.

However, the spray had a nice stream function, so I was able to shoot them safely from the ground. Meanwhile, they were like angry hornets, or wasps. (I know this because I looked them up on the Internet later).

I figured out the spray wasn't working when I noticed them lining up with their mouths open and catching the so-called poison in their mouths, and swallowing it with satisfaction.

Time to get serious.

But what to kill them with?

My wife solved this. She got on the Internet (the same one that told me they were wasps) and she found you can mix detergent with water and the resultant mixture will kill wasps.

Okay, but do they mean laundry detergent or dishwashing detergent? It didn't say. We tried the laundry detergent first, and I went outside and thoroughly rinsed those suckers with a potent mix of Tide and water.

The wasps loved it, and not only was their thirst slaked, but now they smelled like fresh, clean cotton shirts.

Fine, time for dish washing detergent.

Five minutes later, I was dousing them with lemon-flavored Joy, and...

... it worked.

A splurt of the stuff would hit a wasp in mid-air, and it would buzz angrily and fly out of reach. But it wasn't killing them. It was deterring them. I wanted more. I wanted wasp death!

I got a ladder (right now, you're going 'uh, oh') and I climbed up to the nest. I soaked that baby while angry wasps watched from a nearby tree. Then I climbed down and settled down to watch.

After a bit, some wasps came to check out the damage to their home, and after consulting with their little homeowner wasp policies, they really got ticked off. But here's the cool thing ... they couldn't get into the nest. They could get close, but it was like a force field kept them a few inches away. The soap mixture was working.

But that was a problem. Now they can't land in the nest, how am I going to kill them so they won't build a new condo on House Cowie?

I needed something ... something better than a flyswatter, which is more for close in action.

Let me see.

I went into the basement and looked for wasp killers. And I found what I wanted, in the Sporting Goods section.

A tennis racquet.

Cars driving by my house were treated by the sight of one Norm Cowie jumping and wildly swinging a tennis racquet at a swarm of wasps buzzing around his gutter.

After a bit, my wife came out to enjoy the show, and my daughter made popcorn. Meanwhile, I was hitting wasp spin shots, cutting them in half, swatting them into oblivion. Half an hour later, the carnage was done, broken dead wasps were littered on the driveway, and I was nursing tennis elbow.

Wasps are dangerous. Don't try this at your home. Make sure you use a professional humor writer whenever dealing with wasps.

Hey, if you're in the North suburbs of Chicago, I'll be signing Fang Face at Borders Books at 909 N. Elmhurst Rd in Mt. Prospect from 2:00 til whenever. Come out and buy me a coffee.

Norm

www.normcowie.com

Friday, January 8, 2010

Kind of embarrassing

I snuck ... sneaked? ... into Barnes and Nobles today.

Well, that's not exactly true. I went through the front door normally ... not utilizing any of the commando training I never received.

Anyway, I took a day off work today, and determined to work on WereWoof without any distractions. So I shut off my internet connection and went to Barnes and Noble. I went for two reasons,

1) I had a B&N gift card.
2) They have a Starbucks and I had a Starbucks gift card .. given to me by a reader, no less ... thanks, Alison.
3) I needed to get a certain book.

So I got a large, or whatever they call it .. Lentil? ... White Chocolate Mocha, revved up the laptop and got to work.

After banging out some words (I was feeling my muse, they were good words), it was time to go pick up my critter after school.

Now I had another errand to run. Harriet Klausner, Amazon's number one rated book reviewer (woo-hoo!), has agreed to review Fang Face.

The trouble is I had an author event at a school in December and they had ordered 100 copies of my book but didn't receive them in time for my visit. I loaned them all of my stock of books, but haven't had a chance to go up and retrieve the replacements.

That left me without a book to send.

So here I was in a Barnes and Noble.

They have books, right?

Yep.

They'll have Fang Face, right?

Well, maybe.

I haven't quite broken into B&N with the success I've enjoyed with Borders. But I'm trying. So with some trepidation, I went to the Young Adult section and - voila! - there were three copies of Fang Face.

I grabbed one and scurried down the escalator to the check out. There, the girl who waited on me looked at the book and said, "Oh, this looks like a great book. I have to check it out."

Um. What's one to say? Should I admit I'm buying my own book? Should I pretend I'm just a reader and tell her the book is fantastic .. which it is, so I wouldn't be lying.

What a conundrum.

And here's the worst part ...

... are you ready? ...

... I'm not going to tell you what I did.

Bwah, ha, ha!

Norm

http://www.normcowie.com